E.J., Just Write Some Damn Thing Up…I’ll Sign It…

There are a bunch of things I could write to start this column off but I’ll hold back and just ask the same question I seem to ask a few times each year when discussing Pitt football…

Is anyone at all surprised by this?

In case a reader has just tuned into Pitt football news after an absence of a few days here is the gist of today’s topic:

PITTSBURGH—Pitt head coach Pat Narduzzi announced this morning that Matt Canada, the Panthers’ offensive coordinator, has accepted the same job at LSU. Canada will remain on the Pitt staff through the Dec. 28 New Era Pinstripe Bowl against Northwestern before departing for Baton Rouge.

“On behalf of our entire program, I want to thank Matt for his many important contributions, on and off the field, this past year,” Narduzzi said. “It was important that Matt remain with our team through the bowl game and he had no hesitation about that. He wants to send this team, and especially our seniors, out the right way. Our search for a new offensive coordinator will fully begin after the bowl. Our primary focus is on a successful completion to the 2016 season.

“When you hire great people and have success, your staff will always be in demand. I’m confident we will find another outstanding person and professional to continue our momentum.”

Which churns up another question.  Just why the f*ck is Pitt waiting until Dec 29th to search for a new Offensive Coordinator?  That is so Steve Pedersonish it has to be taken as a cruel joke at us Pitt fans’ expense. It’s like “Oh, everyone wants to come to Pitt – we have lots of time to hire an OC before LOI Day.

Let’s parse this press release just for fun, breaking it down to what was said and what Narduzzi really meant.

Pitt head coach Pat Narduzzi announced this morning that Matt Canada, the Panthers’ offensive coordinator, has accepted the same job at LSU.”  

It with a saddened heart that someone who I pulled off the trash heap after being fired by NC state turned around and poked us in the eye with the shitty end of the stick as soon as possible. That’s some gratitude for you.  NC State was 7-6 and only 57th in offense so Matt had no other job offers yet we took a chance on him because I knew him from years ago – and this is how he says thanks!”

Canada will remain on the Pitt staff through the Dec. 28 New Era Pinstripe Bowl against Northwestern before departing for Baton Rouge.”

Just wait, this SOB is going to charge us Per Diem for these extra two weeks he’s hanging around.  I think he actually believes that Pitt will pay that $46 per day for meals.  Since Pitt won’t do, cheap bastards, I’ll probably have to suck it up. 

Hell, that’s small price to play for not getting blown out of Yankee Stadium by a crappy Big Ten team – that wouldn’t look so good on my own resume (that I’m updating as we speak).

“On behalf of our entire program, I want to thank Matt for his many important contributions, on and off the field, this past year,” Narduzzi said.”

Piss-ant Canada should fly up to Madison, WI, drop down on those skinny-ass knees he has and kiss Paul Chryst’s rotund ass for all the talent he had on offense this season.  Any moron other than Jim Chaney could have gotten 35+ ppg out of those kids. Who the hell does he think he is?

“It was important that Matt remain with our team through the bowl game and he had no hesitation about that. He wants to send this team, and especially our seniors, out the right way.”

God – who wrote this crap piece o’ crap press release?  “...send this team out the right way..  WTF?  All Matt Canada  wants to do is kick back and hang out in Pittsburgh with no real concerns if we win or lose because he already has another job.  If he left now he’d have to do a ton of traveling around down south recruiting for LSU and that’s damn hard work. I know it is because I did some of that for MSU a few years ago.

Instead Matt will be hitting every New York City titty bar and fake Irish watering hole from Times Square to Yankee Stadium and be getting paid $46 bucks a day out of my cash to do so. Goddamn him!!!

“Our search for a new offensive coordinator will fully begin after the bowl. Our primary focus is on a successful completion to the 2016 season.”

Hah!  Nobody in the Pitt athletic department is really into this so called  ‘search’ right now because 1) that’s extra work and not fun and 2) half the staff wants out of here ASAP also. 

Shit, all that bald headed midget idiot “OC” had to do was call running plays to Conner, some passing plays to Henderson and Weah and slip in a tricky shovel pass here and there… Shit, anyone else could have score a butt load of points doing that also.

Bottom line here?  Take it from me, King Pat – this so-called ‘friend’ had nothing whatsoever to do with our fantastic offensive line that made everything happen anyway, even if he keeps telling LSU and everyone who will listen he did.  Again Matt,  plant another wet one on Coach Chryst’s ass for that gift he left you, you punk ass disloyal Canuk piece of crap!!

You’re really pissing me off now!!

“When you hire great people and have success, your staff will always be in demand. I’m confident we will find another outstanding person and professional to continue our momentum.”

Oh man!  It really should be Scott Barnes saying that about me after the bowl game when I leave Pitt rather than me having to pretend to say it about Canada now.  Well, Scotty (I call him Scotty)  will have a chance to use it when God sends me a new contract from some actual football school that believes money is supposed to be spent if you want to win games.

All those phone calls I’ve been making to the Big Ten schools I pretend to not care about but really are crazy jealous of and love so much?  Do you really think I’m dialing them up and just saying Merry Christmas? No siree – that will be a $4+M per in the NarDog LLC  bank account toot suite… unless Pitt wakes up and pays out some real jack. 

Ha, ha.  Seriously fans, that last part was a joke.  Lighten up will ya…

But I’ll walk, honest to God I will, and I mean it this time. If the shitbird who looks like he has bad-breath Matt Canada can get six figures for only one year at Pitt than I’m good for a ton of cash.  Can’t wait!!

Oh Matt, why are you doing this?  I thought we were friends man.  We had something real and tight and true and I could feel it in my gut.  What’s that again… I couldn’t hear you?  They have an on-Campus stadium…? 

Well then , now it all makes sense. 

Good luck and I really do wish it was that other coordinator who’s name is not to be mentioned by any other staff and not you.

Sincerely, Pat

243 thoughts on “E.J., Just Write Some Damn Thing Up…I’ll Sign It…

  1. Reed funny piece. SOP. I really don’t think Pat will wait to look for OCs, just didn’t want Salem calling the shots again.
    ps The IRS has called me to inquire about your per diem expenses. All these Hooter’s receipts are hard to explain as “research”. Please take Emel and Upitt out with you to the titty bars in NY – the expense will look realistic. – Your accountant Dark Knight


  2. Reed – My opinion your best piece yet and all true. Probably spot on as well with the Per Diem. If cheap ass Herman even pays them.


  3. UPitt..havent been to one in Wilmington but me and my posse know our way aroud the various Myrtle Beach Ballets !!!
    To the point and very funny..and I also think Duzz bolts if he continues to build the program and gets a better offer in the BIG. Too many missing parts at our alma mater..money, fans in seats, OCS..


  4. Did Narduzzi not coach the the last bowl game for MSU even after he accepted the Pitt job? Actually Canada is taking quite a chance in agreeing to coach Pitt in the Pinstripe bowl. If Pitt loses(and with our D we are always very close to losing any game) the LSU alums will be up in arms on the MC hiring. I know he signed that LSU contract. But starting off your employ with a loss at your last job is never a good idea.


  5. Funny to think Tom Herman was there as well. Boy has Herman and Narduzzi’s popularity gone in different directions since that day. Herman gets 7M and Narduzzi 2M.


  6. UPitt ,,,we put our money on Pitt and I was pouring me celebratory drinks in the beginning of the 4th quarter….money in the bank _HA Ha HA…it was like Pitt never heard of the onside kick….


  7. Eddie O. might be a short-termer at LSU and MC will be interviewing again and most likely taking a pay-cut…

    I know some ole Miss fans who talk about LSU and their fan-base like we talk about WVU


  8. @Savannah Panther

    Chaney might be needing a job if UGa flops offensively in their bowl game, he is under a lot of pressure and not performing as planned.


  9. This is so much Chryst like when he promoted House to DC. Reed, mark this down! Salem will be our next OC. HCPN loves Salem and believes he is doing a great job. He even praised Salem after last year’s awful bowl game. PN is looking for stability and loyalty and will not go out and get a name guy fearing this will happen again. Why else would he wait so long with recruiting winding down.


  10. It would be so disappointing that HCPN would wait until after the bowl game to start looking..
    There is no way HCPN will wait until after the bowl game to start looking.
    Chaney’s dilemma in Georgia could be Canada’s problem next year’s end.
    I suspect some hopefuls will be proactive in calling Pat.
    Next years PITT OC will have a tough act to follow.
    Plenty of talent on the 2017 PITT football team.
    Hope PITT can still land Browne
    Keep the faith…..we need it!


  11. I agree with you Ike; I hope we can still land Mad Max. Salem’s got a lot of OC experience. I don’t know how sucessful his offenses were, but he won’t be new to the job if he gets it. I don’t remember a ton of excitement when Canada was hired, I think another coach can step in and so a good job. Hopefully, our defense will be better next year so the offense won’t have to be so dynamic. There is ebb and flow every year in the character and makeup of most teams. I trust Narduzzi with this decision.


  12. Narduzzi has names in mind and won’t name the new coordinator until after the bowl game. He knows he has two quarterbacks who might look elsewhere if no coordinator is named fairly quickly, i.e, before the new year.

    Our Holier Than Thou fan base must be thrilled with today’s turn of events. Pitt still won’t pony up for assistants, and in the short term can think of how many Pitt guys are out there to fill Canada’s position.

    Heck, there is always time for a player to get into an off-the-field incident and some fans can say Narduzzi must go since he’s lost control of the program.


  13. I know some don’t want to hear it but this from Dokish is rather telling.

    Only 12 coordinators made at least a million last year and only LSU and Alabama had both coordinators make a million.

    Take out LSU and Alabama and that leaves 8 other coordinators across the P5 that made 1 mil+. Pitt just isn’t going to be in that group. From what I read, Pitt was willing to pay enough to make Canada the highest paid OC in the ACC. All the angst is a bit overboard in my opinion. I agree it screws with the continuity but all will be fine. A lot of the people saying we should have paid whatever to keep him were the same people three months ago saying he sucked and we should never have hired him.


  14. Thank You Special K, Nice to know at least one person reads my posts…

    Sometimes I feel like it’s a big club….and I ain’t in it…

    paraphrase of a George Carlin skit…..ike/waltspappy


    You are a Founding Father of the club Ike…


  15. Salem had three years to recruit offense at UCF and all he could muster was seven lousy points versus Pitt in 2006? I mean, Pitt was so poorly coached by that Wannstedt guy, who Pitt gave a blank check to hire a top-notch staff, right? NOT!

    Let’s pass on Tim as OC.


  16. Just re-read the Salem bio on pittpanther.com If Duzz goes with Salem it is a total “meh” safe hire. Bio clearly reads Salem is an adequate position coach but clearly lacking the mustard as the OC. Just, IMO, would be a huge downgrade and much worse than Barnes’ “safe” choice of Stallings (the plumber to UPitt!)


  17. JJ – He did suck 3 months ago. Lots changed in 3 months.

    He made 500k at Pitt. It isn’t like he was making 800k.

    Dokish is a homer in every sense of the word.


  18. Canada was definitely leaving, three other P-5 schools were interested and at least one lesser school as a head coach. He hit a goal mine with Chryst’s recruits plus Peterman. A once in a lifetime. LSU’s coach was spurned by Kiffen, he wasn’t going to miss again. Canada just joined the big leagues.

    Face it, no way we compete with the big boys money, just a fact of life. Nothing is going to change that fact.

    Glad he is staying for the bowl game. Will be interesting to see what type of results he gets at LSU, where they fire coaches in the middle of a season.

    Narduzzi found him, maybe he finds another gem.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Foul, Foul on UPitt, obviously a racist remark referring to the bald head on top of Kevin Stallings body.

    Now if you could see the crack of KS’s ass, then he would be referred to as “The Plumber”


  20. Hermans Head – forget Cignetti, he called Pitt recruits with Wanny and told them not to come to Pitt when Wanny canned.
    Big B – good point about how LSU perceived, at VT game a VT fan was wearing an LSU shirt – spoke to him, fit the mold of a Hoopie moron.
    ike -Groucho – I would never join a club that allowed me to be in it.
    If Salem were the new OC I would burn myself at the stake.


  21. Ike – I have a little more hair than Stallings. Not much.

    Our luck LSU beats Bama and Saban next year and Canada goes on to big things. All while Narduzzi fizzles out and coaches the Penguins in Youngstown.


  22. @PittPT–am officially on the Bowl bus trip! Thanks for the info and am looking forward to taking my dad to our first bowl game(we have been trying to go for several years to Fla bowls had Pitt been invited, somehow Birmingham wasn’t what we were looking for).
    As for Canada, it stinks but I do not blame him. Everyone on this blog would have done the same thing. I am glad he is staying for Bowl. As for a replacement, what about Salem’s brother from MSU?


  23. Just because I’m a dentist, I was astute enough to comprehend that this was written tongue in cheek.

    That’s all I got to add, otherwise you said it all.


  24. Reed – that was a funny article to read while sitting on a sunny beach in mid-December for a guy from PA.

    I pulled this well written blurb from an ESPN staff writer –

    “Pittsburgh coach Pat Narduzzi must now look for his third offensive coordinator in as many years after Matt Canada decided to leave for the same job at LSU. Pitt has lost both its coordinators to SEC schools (Jim Chaney to Georgia after the 2015 season). Canada’s rise has been stunning. Just one year ago he was fired at NC State. Now he’s got one of the most high-profile and high pressure jobs in the country.”

    To O’Canada – enjoy the hot seat you and your new boss HC O will be sitting on from day one together. I wish you well until you play Pitt.

    Keep yur eye out fur them gators – and leave our recruits alone, if you truly are a friend of Duzz.


  25. It is disappointing Canada is leaving for LSU but not unexpected. He is apparently is a hurry to make some big bucks which is why he was fired at NC State. He was continually interviewing and Doeren had enough. Narduzzi took a chance and it worked out for one year, but not so good for the long term.

    Pitt is never going to be able to compete with the LSUs, Penn States, or even Clemsons of this world. First our ticket sales stink. Second those schools I mentioned make more money on parking in a season than we do in ticket sales for the season. An on-campus stadium is not the answer to either of these problems as real estate in Oakland is way too expensive to keep it vacant for 7 football games a year. As the ACC money keeps flowing in we will be able to better pay our coaches over time but until there is a real “Panther Nation” we will always be a lower paying school compared to the top twenty programs.

    It will be interesting to see what happens next year when Narduzzi no longer has Canada’s offensive scoring machine covering up the deficiencies of his “great” defense. If we had Matt House’s defense, we would have had a better record than the defensive brain trust of Narduzzi and Conklin.


  26. Canada is maximizing his rep at this point. He is a good OC but LSU will be a challenge. He has to coach a QB who can run a physical and mental option QB system that LSU has not had in years. He also will work with an offense that is not very good by SEC standards. It may take time to integrate things at LSU/ But LSU does have a very good RB returning and always has elite talent at WR so he has talent to work with.


  27. @John , glad you’re On the Pinstripe bus. Looking forward to meeting you ! Any other POVers on the One Day Pinstripe Bowl bus out of Pittsburgh ? My early candidates for OC are Rod Carey, Kirk Ciarracco, or Dan Enos.


  28. Herman’s Head @ 1:20. I have several UGa friends here, and they say the fans in Athens aren’t wowed by Cheney. Would not be a surprise if he’s unemployed shortly.

    No – he’s not on HCPN’s short list. I’m sure PN has a list, and is checking it twice! Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice. He won’t leave us with a lump of coal in our stockings.

    WLAT – nice find on PN’s potential OC list. I see 13 names, not counting Dasher, Dancer, Prancer….

    I don’t know that there’s another Maple Leaf out there, but his successor has seen what’s possible with this offense, so hopefully, there’ll be a little continuity next year.


  29. Some honesty here.

    I really can understand Canada jumping at the bigger money and the résumé builder. Looking out for family will always #1 in my book.

    Yes I was upset losing MC but now I hear PITT did indeed step-up so I’m satisfied.

    Here is the honest part and I’m sorry but unless I have a change of heart? I’ll be rooting for Canada to not do so well. I’m petty like that, my competitor bone runs deep.

    IKE – Matt Canada’s single and could live on Arby’s sandwiches and beer and still be happy. He got out of Pitt as soon as he could – that’s why all the job searching he was doing.


  30. An OC is as good as the players he has. We had very good offensive players this year. We will next year also.

    As far as Canada, good luck to him where LSU rarely has a QB of NFL quality. The SEC has better defenders than the ACC as evidenced by the NFL draft.

    HCPN probably already has an OC list and maybe even a DC list. Who knows.


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